Concentration, which is in short supply at the moment. The overtired 4 year old is talking instead of eating lunch, some insanely loud sports program is on TV, all I can think about is that a friend is coming over in an hour and my house is a wreck… and that I have to get income taxes done in the next week… and that I have to go to the store to get eggs and peanut butter eggs and Cadbury eggs (should have known I would have eaten a couple of those if I bought them before today!). I read a blog post yesterday about mommy brain… except I’m not so sure that is it. But I keep feeling like I flit from thing to thing to thing in life… and I don’t ever settle anywhere long enough to accomplish anything. Snapshot of the moment: the 4 year old is singing nonsense syllables, the TV is blaring, and now the husband is annoyed because I can’t carry on a conversation in the midst of all of this while typing. Okay, back to blogging…
Am I just at a point in life where it is impossible to find time to contemplate life and THINK while I am still awake enough to do so? So many decisions, HUGE decisions, have been made in our lives lately just by default… or as the consequence of not being proactive… because I need time to sit and think about them and muse on them… and muse on me and who in the world I am and what it really takes for me to have an abundant life. I’m apparently failing at making time for that. And if I don’t have it then everything else falls apart…. and life falls into catastrophe, calamity, crying… chaos.
Maybe I should have blogged about cleaning (another ever-present, never-gets-done constant in my life)… or candy…
Or cuteness… or even church. We went to an Easter egg hunt this morning held at another church in town. A hard rain last night left us squelching through the mud to get to Easter activities… but we had fun… and I even gave up on trying not to sink into the mud in sandals and went barefoot for the last few minutes. (Have *you* walked in the mud lately? Go try it, it’s fun!) My thoughts on the way there were proven true — 4 year olds are not quite into the competition of egg hunts, they are just happy to get a few pieces of candy. I love this age! (Hey, maybe I should have written about competition… but that would have required concentration). I spent some time during a puppet show they held thinking of the ways churches (well.. some churches) are changing ministries to kids to keep pace with the frenzy that is life at times. I have mixed feelings on that. I love the new and upbeat and kid-friendly… I also love going to churches that offer refuge and calmness during chaos. One thing I loved most about the Space for God study I wrote about yesterday was that the group study began in silence. I’d rush from work to home to church, chattering and trying to keep in connection with friends and family along the way… and then push open the door reading, “Please enter in silence” and sit… and compose myself… and wait… listen… have time to think for a bit. Be.
Guess I’ve come full circle (these stream of consciousness writings usually do). Concentration… productive time for me. Emotionally productive, not getting laundry done productive. Preferably without feeling guilty about it. (As I do at the moment… because I know the husband is waiting to have a conversation and the 4 year old is waiting to give naptime hugs and the house is waiting to be cleaned).
Have a blessed Easter… see you Monday.