X is for…

X-ray? eXamine? Maybe a bit of both…

I was thinking last night about the persona I present here in blog-land. I think the “me” of this blog is more spiritual, more reflective… definitely more talkative… than the “me” people who see me day-to-day know. I’m undecided on how I feel about that. I certainly don’t want to put myself out there as someone I am not… and you are not going to read anything on this blog that is non-authentically me… but I struggle at times (okay, most of the time) about how I present myself in the world. What parts of myself I show… and when… and to whom. And how in the world that all adds up to me.

Sometimes it seems others have this remarkable ability to compartmentalize their roles in life in a way that I do not. Or they are able to blend everything together into this symphony of themselves in a way I do not. Or maybe everyone has these different aspects of self they show to different people and they are perfectly ok with that. (I don’t mean that I, or others, intentionally mislead people or hide areas…though of course we all do at times… just that we naturally show different aspects of self as we go about the many relationships and arenas we do life in).

So… x-ray… isn’t it great when you meet those people who know what you mean and get who you are even when you can’t quite express that? I absolutely adore my friends who ask how I’m doing… want to know… and call me out on it when they get a “fine” and that isn’t what they wanted to hear (or what I wanted to say). I love it when someone is able to put words (at least words that others can understand) on something that I am feeling and can’t quite express. And I love when I can do that for others as well. Those moments have been among my favorites of this blogging challenge.

(ALso, am I the only one out there who keeps getting middle-of-the-night “inspirations” on what to write that deviate completely from what I had in mind? I don’t think this is the greatest post-of-all-time or anything… but it came up and seemed like a decent idea. I was all set to write on XX — women in my friends and family who have inspired me… or womanhood in general, or something similar… guess I have more material for a later post!)

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12 responses to this post.

  1. Melody, wait until you see my Y post.
    And I’m much bolder online. I’m a very private person in real life and prefer to just hide in my home most of the time!

    Reply

    • Can’t wait until tomorrow to see it! I had a “Y” inspiration but forgot it… hoping it will re-emerge before tomorrow. 🙂

      Reply

  2. Posted by Bud Ezekiel on April 28, 2010 at 8:10 pm

    when i begin writing in my new blog, i’m going to emerge completely:)

    Reply

  3. Posted by Bud Ezekiel on April 28, 2010 at 8:12 pm

    you have done fantastic writing in this challenge Melody! we got a lot in common….

    Reply

  4. I love my middle of the night ideas. I have a journal bed-side. I keep a pen inside it on the open page. I don’t turn on the light, just write it out best I can. Sometimes my best, isn’t so good! 🙂

    Reply

  5. Things are seldom what they seem. I for one feel just how you describe yourself. I can’t fake things very easily and find myself asking God more and more frequently, “Lord, just help me be real!”

    Great post Melody!

    Reply

  6. You’ve had some really great posts during this challenge, including this particular one. I love reading what you write. I feel like I’ve gotten to know you more than I ever did on sg or the food board.

    Yes, I have crazy middle-of-the-night blog obsession too! ; )

    Reply

  7. I too struggle with understanding boundaries and context on the one hand and authenticity and integration on the other. Especially in relationships that “ought” to be different than they are. I used to blog anonymously and stopped because I hated feeling like I was hiding all the time. Now I don’t just blurt out everything I think and feel at all times on my blog, but I still feel better having my name on it. And when there are things I need to write out, or vent about, or seek feedback about, but not in the public arena, I have friends, private messages, email, the phone, prayer, and my physical journal.

    Reply

  8. Posted by Rae on April 29, 2010 at 7:34 am

    I don’t know you, but through your daily blogs, I feel that I have met a friend. You are sensitive, friendly, warm, generous. spiritual and a fabulous cook! Thank you for introducing yourself and putting your true face forward. I will be coming back here for a long, long time.

    Reply

  9. Posted by Bud Ezekiel on April 29, 2010 at 8:23 am

    btw….i often wake up way before dawn and whatever thoughts fill my mind go into my blog. generally i can’t/don’t pre-plan my posts. i believe God is putting on my heart the things i am to write about. some days i feel like He’s holding me in check. …need to write real, right from the heart. i’m still telling it like it is. wether it’s to Him or to my readers. you and i plus others need to write in Spirit and in truth. we certainly can fool others but we can’t fool Him.

    to my way of thinking, what difference does it make here in blog land. it’s not like you and i plus others are going to meet on this side of the river. BUT….even i must confess that sometimes i blush in embarrassment or am afraid to read the comment section. isn’t that strange? this can/will be/is OUR real world if we choose to let it be so. there’s freedom here Melody:) freedom to be yourself. freedom to be free in Him.

    Reply

  10. That’s pretty natural; sometimes it’s the “Bartender Syndrome,” where we can say things here that aren’t comfortable otherwise. Sometimes, it’s stuff that just wouldn’t come up naturally in another context.

    Reply

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