I’m starting to feel content with my life. I’m starting to feel like I finally have a niche, like I can make plans, like I have some support in life. The last time I remember feeling anywhere near this much at peace was over five years ago. The irony is that then… and now… were times filled with chaos, uncertainty, and much change. Somehow through the chaos, I managed to find peace.
The last few years of life have been filled with emotional and financial upheaval. They have seen my family weather multiple job losses, career changes (YES becoming a SAHM counts as a career change!), moves, depression, and some typical and atypical relationship issues that accompany those changes and learning to be a parent to a rapidly growing bundle of curiosity. I’ve spent some of that time feeling alone and unequipped into handle life. I’ve spent some of that time surrounded by support I didn’t even know I had — from my church family, my extended family… and most importantly a small group of women I’ve grown to know over the last couple of years who I can be myself with. Whatever “being myself” means.
Over the last few weeks and days… I have suddenly realized how much support I do have. I’ve realized that somehow I’ve developed a group of friends I can call on during tough times… who won’t think less of me for doing so. I’ve realized that I have friends whose families are becoming intertwined with my own, whose kids love mine, who are there for both superficial and heart-to-heart chats over coffee. I’ve realized that… while I’ve been trying to figure out who I am in the midst of change… they are there regardless of who I am. I am eternally thankful. It is nice to belong. Today… I am thankful for my friends. I am thankful for the few who have I have known for most of my life… and especially thankful for those who have seen me through life the last few years. I’m starting to trust that it is okay to be me… whatever that may be.