NaBloPoMo and end of November thoughts…

Well, this is my last post for NaBloPoMo. I am impressed that I made it every day (even if yesterday just ended up being 1/2 of what I wanted it to be!). I am glad I participated if only because I met some interesting bloggers along the way. I am going to have to go back and hunt for some more when I am not so focused on figuring out what to blog about every day!

I’ve also liked being able to focus on thankfulness.  There have been several days when I have not felt very thankful… and probably even a few when thankfulness didn’t make it into my blog post for the day… but focusing on thankfulness this month has helped me find the little things to be thankful for in the midst of tough days or challenging situations.  I am glad that I am going to be able to continue that focus through linking up with The Gratitude Community on Mondays (even though I ran out of time and never finished my post for yesterday… I’ll just have an extra long one next week!).   I’ve (re)learned that although it is not always easy to be thankful in all circumstances, there is almost always something to be thankful for, even in tough circumstances.

I’ve started thinking a little more about why I am blogging.  Blogging was originally a way for me to get out updates about family… or just try to make some sense of a rapidly changing life.  It is faster than handwritten journaling… but more public as well… and I struggle with the same issues that I suppose any writer does.  Am I writing to get recognition (in the form of comments if nothing more)?  Am I writing to feel like I am part of a community?  Is my blog truly showing who I am… and would I write it even if no one was reading?  I keep thinking of a book I read in college on writing and some of the dilemmas inherent in writing about life.  I probably should re-read that book.  I’ve also skimmed and been thinking on a post I read about blogging as a Christian.  Hmm… lots to think of.  I’m sure some will make it on here.

Looking forward to December as a time for family… a time to share some of my family’s traditions with you readers and make some new traditions as well.  I am glad I will not be blogging every day… but I am grateful for the pattern I have found in blogging several days a week and hope to continue that.  Thanks to all of you who have gone on this journey with me, whether you commented or not.

Here are a few blogs I’ve added to my Google Reader over the last month. Not all are NaBloPoMo participants but all are wonderful bloggers!  I am thankful for all of them, and hoping to be able to read and respond more in depth after taking some time off during the last week or so of holiday craziness.

Filed under Soul Care in my Google Reader if that tells you anything…

• Ann @ A Holy Experience
• Jennifer Janes
• Rebecca @ Mom’s Mustard Seeds
• The Forever Neighbor

Food & Weight Loss (hey, for me they are somewhat related… though they are categorized separately in Google Reader)

• Kim @ Life as a Foodie
• Shortmama @ A Family of Shorts (Thursday weight loss linkup)

In remembrance

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  It is a day to remember babies lost to miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal loss or infant loss.  It is a day that 1 in 4 women have cause to “celebrate”.  It is a day to acknowledge losses such as miscarriage and stillbirth that are all too often not acknowledged as a loss of a child or as a reason for grief.  It is a day to acknowledge babies born too soon, babies lost to SIDS, babies lost to congenital birth defects… and probably many other reasons I have not had personally been affected or impacted by.

In honor of that day, I changed my Facebook status to link to Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope — a grassroots effort to raise awareness of the prevalence of pregnancy and infant loss.  And, while browsing their site and debating whether to submit *my* story… I came across a monthly writing challenge —

September’s topic: How has the changing of seasons (from summer to fall) impacted you in your grief journey?

To be honest, most seasons remind me of my loss in one way or another.  I found out I was pregnant for the first time at Christmastime.  I miscarried in the winter… and spent much of the spring outside, somehow trying to work through grief by walking around in nature (not that I understood it to be grieving at the time).  My due date would have been at the end of summer.  Which leads me to fall…

It has been 7 years since that first fall after I had a miscarriage.  This year, it hardly feels like fall.  But, typically, that nip in the air and even the reunion with my beloved Pumpkin Spice lattes remind me of that first fall following my loss.  It was a fall that I had expected to spend with a baby in my arms and taking a break from the master’s program I was currently enrolled in.  Instead… I found myself doing my first internship at a local psychiatric hospital (and being introduced to Starbucks from the kiosk there, although I don’t think those pumpkin spice lattes were around yet).  I spent my days trying to counsel, console and guide others while still working through my own loss and depression.  Somehow… I don’t know how… I still managed to make a difference (I hope!)  And I managed to get through, with the support of a few people who probably helped more than they will ever know.

Fall also reminds me of how I was led through darkness and despair and somehow grew closer to God and my husband through the ordeal of loss and the struggle to have a child.  Since that first fall, I have been blessed with my amazing 4 year old.  Fall reminds me of special times with him… going to Harvest Festivals, visiting the pumpkin patch, how excited he was on his first hayride.  Fall reminds me of despair… and then reminds me of hope.  This fall I grieve less for the child I lost and more for so many who have more recent losses.  I hope for the day that they can discuss their own losses and get the support they need… and I hope for them to have hope that grief will lessen over time and one day spring will come again.